Ever notice all the Uglies wandering around the world today? You know, all those people who have this way of painting your world ugly by negative comments and actions that seem to throw you into a bad temper? Uglies are people who trash everything beautiful in your life and then leave you holding the bag of trash. Well, today I am one of those Uglies and I am going to trash everything. Yep.
I hate today. I hated yesterday even more but I know next week will even be worse so I might as start ranting today. Now, I know that there are justifiable "hates" in the world as in the robbers who burglarized my home. Yes, I hate them. Then there are the unjustifiable hates as in hating the robbers who burglarized my home because the specialists say I should hate their actions but not the robbers. I hate when people tell me how I should hate. Sure, I do hate the robbers' actions but I also hate the robbers for only ugly people would do the evil act of stealing from me and I hate ugly people. I hate the specialists for telling me that "beauty is only skin deep". My reply to that is "Yes, but ugly is to the bone."
I hate waking up before the alarm goes off which happened to me this morning. I hate when I cannot fall back to sleep knowing I need the much needed sleep. I hate sleeping pills because they do their job of making me sleep and I hate being made to do something. So, since pills are not my thing and sleep has eluded me, I crawl out of bed, stumble to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. I hate that I did not set the coffee maker the night before but, then, I am up early this morning, which means my coffee would not start brewing this early anyway.
I hate that I have not gone grocery shopping which means I do not have food inside the house in which to fix a good breakfast. I hate that I am not on food stamps as this means that I have to purchase my own food. I hate those that are on food stamps because this means that my taxes are buying food for them. That just seems so unfair to me and I hate unfairness.
I hate that I have to clean the house. I should be grateful now that my son is off to Baylor, which means I do not have to clean up after him anymore and yet I hate that he is not here to clean up after me.
I hate when the telephone rings after ten o'clock in the evening or before seven o'clock in the morning. This morning my phone rings and I hate to answer but I do answer because I am thinking there is some god-awful emergency. I do not have caller ID as that cost money and I hate giving the phone company more money than is needed for their services. Ditto for the plumbers, carpenters and electricians who hate when a single woman (such as me) calls in the inspectors before paying the bill. Besides, I justify now having a caller ID because I like surprises as to who could be calling so early. Oh, the voice on the line is that of my brother who is on his way to work. No emergency here except that he wants to unload his ugly trash on me. Not today because my bag of trash is uglier than his sack of crap. My brother hates working at Wal-mart. Yeah, well, I hate Wal-mart and I do not even work there. I hate my brother for hating his job; at least he has a job. I hate all those employed people who sneer at the unemployed as if we are incompetent to be inside the workforce. I hate all the unemployed for griping about not being able to find a job. I hang up the phone even while my brother is still speaking. I hope I ruined his day.
I am on my way to the nearest fast-food chain and I hate that I have so far to drive. Yes, the nearest Town from me is at least ten miles in all directions. I hate waiting in line at the drive-thru and I hate that my radio station is not playing sing-along songs. I hate that I have to reach my left arm out the window into the freezing cold air just to push a button. This place ought to install a honk-your-horn-for-service device. I hate that I have to repeat my order to the metal box but I am sure the voice behind that metal box hates when I reply, "No, I said I wanted. . ." and then I repeat the order verbatim. I hate when the voice suggestive sells "Would you like to try an apple pie with that this morning?" I want to scream "Hell no! If I wanted apple pie this damn early I would have ordered an apple pie!"
While in town, I hate the fact that I have to spend my money on tools. I remember that my ex-husband took all the tools with him after the divorce and that fact has me hating him all over again. I hate myself for not changing the locks fast enough to stop him from weaseling in and taking the tools that I would have gladly thrown at him. I honk at the vehicle in front of me with the hand that holds the sausage biscuit because the driver in front of me is oblivious to the fact that the light has turned green.
I hate hardware stores. I hate auto-parts stores even more. Of course, I could shop at Wal-mart or better yet, call my brother and have him pick up these tools with his discount card and now that I think of this option, I hate myself for having hung up on him. I hate the checkout clerk who cannot count my change back to me and instead, pushed the money along with the receipt into my hand. As I step outside, I see the smoker so rudely tossing his burning cigarette butt to the ground. I hate smokers. Besides the awful odor, smokers are costing this country thousands of dollars in medical care. I hate the nonsmokers for telling me that I should quit smoking because smoking might kill me. Yeah, well, I have a reply to that one "My NOT smoking might kill you."
On my way home, I hate the driver in front of me for driving the speed limit. Come on, drive faster. I hate the person behind me for tailgating and then passing me after I passed the car that was in front me. What a jerk!
I check the snail mail to discover bills. I hate bills. Instead of retrieving the bills, I leave them stuffed inside the mailbox in hopes that the mail carrier will return to sender. I hate the junk mail enclosed with those bills. I know I should heed my father's advice when he told me to send that junk mail back with the payment. Yeah, well, once I get the money to for the bills I will do just that.
I hate the thought of using my new hammer and screwdriver to do fix-it stuff around the house. I hate home ownership. I hate the homeowners who say they own their homes and yet do not even have the house paid for. Those folks are not homeowners. They are mortgage holders. I actually own my own home. Yes, my house is paid in full and I hate myself at tax time because owning a home means I do not have a tax write-off. I hate people who itemize everything on their tax forms and then receive huge tax deductions, which results in a gigantic tax refund.
I am not sure which is worse: owning a home or owning a car. I hate owning a vehicle because owning a vehicle means that I have to pay the high cost of fuel to run the damn thing. I hate getting oil changes. I hate having the tires balanced and rotated. I hate changing flat tires along the side of the highway. I hate wasting money on car tags. I hate paying the insurance bill just to verify I am allowed to drive the vehicle.
I hate myself for not stopping by the grocery store on my way home but I hate grocery shopping. I hate the overwhelming decisions that go along with grocery shopping. The dreaded aisle for me is the cereal aisle. Who needs all those unhealthy choices? I hate standing in the checkout lane behind the couple with screaming babies. I hate waiting on the people in front of me who have their carts stuffed with chips and soda and frozen pizzas and I hate watching them swipe their food stamp card. I think those on food stamps should have to purchase healthy foods and limit their intake of such foods because I hate fat people. I hate skinny people too. I know skinny people eat just as much as fat people but their metabolism works at a much faster pace. I try revving up my own metabolism by drinking as much caffeine as possible and still I am a few pounds overweight.
My telephone rings again. This time I do not answer it as I am busy hammering away at a nail. My brother leaves a message saying that he has just found out he has a funeral to attend next week. I hate funerals because I hate when people die. Of course, I hate when people live too because people suck.
The phone rings again and I hate that too. I hate when the phone rings on my day off. This time the voice on the answering machine is that of my best friend Cindy. She is inviting me over for supper. I hate that I have to call her back. I hate myself for telling her that I will be there but a free meal is a good thing for someone who hates grocery shopping. I hate Cindy. She is too perfect. Cindy has a perfect figure with perfect poise. I hate her perfect husband and her perfect children. I hate her perfectly clean house and I hate her perfectly manicured lawn. Yes, Cindy lives in a perfect world. I can change all that by dumping my ugly trash on her.
I hate hating. All this hating is giving me a headache of the serious kind. I hate that I have to take an aspirin to get rid of the headache that is getting worse by the second. I hate that I just tripped over the bags of ugly trash that I overloaded with my uglies. What am I going to do with all this trash? Ah, think I will just burn it all and then take a nap. I hope when I wake up my world is painted a different color.
I love it. Great job. Interesting to the end. And very familiar. I particularly like the way you claim to hate one thing and then immediately turn around and hate its opposite. And I also like the way you never let yourself off the hook.
ReplyDeleteHow much of our lives do we spend filling our heads with interior monologues like this one? Negativity gets me down, but somehow, holding it at arm's length as you have done here, makes it seem less of a threat. This is a thought experiment. And a useful one. Sweating out the toxins.
We are surrounded by haters. We have to live with them. But we don't have to let them take up our brainspace.